


A Lucky Man

by capricious__capricorn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Call Me By Your Name References, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Harry Potter, Dreams, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Headmaster Severus Snape, Hurt/Comfort, Legilimency (Harry Potter), Light Angst, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Patronus Charm (Harry Potter), Post-War, Professor Harry Potter, Secret Crush, Student Harry, Time Skips, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capricious__capricorn/pseuds/capricious__capricorn
Summary: “She was a lucky woman, my mother, to be loved by a man like you.”, Harry whispered before turning away and making his way out of the room, the heavy feeling of finality weighing upon his soul.*“We had the stars, you and I. And this is given once only.”― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 69
Kudos: 546
Collections: Talullah’s favorite HP fanfics





	1. Is it better to speak or die?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> Since my first story seems to be well-received, I've decided to post this one as well. As I've already mentioned, I'm pretty new to this fanfiction writing business, so if characters seem a bit OOC I apologize. I'm still learning, so if you have some ideas for how I could make this story better, I'm all for hearing your thoughts.  
> So, read and review, I'm looking forward to hearing what you think.
> 
> *
> 
> This story consists of two parts; the first one during the Half-blood Prince book and the second is post-war.  
> The first part follows the Half-Blood Prince canon closely, except for the part of the Sectusempra incident with Malfoy. That never happened so the first time Snape realizes that Harry has his book is when Harry tries to curse him after Dumbledore's death.  
> The second part is completely AU. (Multiple chapters)
> 
> Nothing belongs to me, it's all J.K.'s to my great regret. But if you want to read some of my original work you can go to Amazon and search for Anna Pope.  
> Horrible self-promotion, I know, I really do have no shame 🤭

__

_“If he knew, if he only knew that I was giving him every chance to put two and two together and come up with a number bigger than infinity.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“You’re doing it again.”, Hermione whispered. 

Harry straightened, blushing profusely at being caught daydreaming again. He glanced at her, seeing her watching him from the corner of her eye even as her hand flew over her notebook, taking notes at the speed of light. How she was able to do that, Harry could never understand. It was like her very own superpower. 

He quickly averted his eyes to his own notebook, realizing that he hadn’t actually written anything and it was already the middle of the class, wincing at the thought of having to ask Hermione for her notes tonight if he was going to pass this class. 

Harry could already hear her lecture, berating him for not focusing on his studies, and he just knew she would want to know the reason behind it. She had been bugging him about his absent-mindedness for some time now, and the reason behind it. Harry had been able to avoid answering her questions but it was getting harder to do so. After all, she was the smartest person he knew, and he feared one of these days she would figure it out on her own, and just the thought of someone knowing his secret made him feel sick to his stomach. 

It had all started at the beginning of this year. Well, if Harry was completely honest with himself, something he tended to avoid, it had probably started last year, not that he had realized it at the time. 

After all, Harry was fifteen and a boy, which meant that even a brush of wind could get him excited most of the days, so when he found himself awake in the middle of the night, sheets sticky and the ghost of a name, his name, still heavy on his lips, Harry had discarded it as a fluke. 

It happened a few times after that, but with Umbridge breathing down his neck and Voldemort messing with his head, Harry's nighttime activities had taken a bit of a back seat as he was trying to stay alive. 

Then Sirius... Fuck, then Sirius went and got himself blasted through that bloody veil and his dreams became nightmares for the foreseeable future. 

It was a couple of weeks into Harry's sixth year that the dreams returned, but this time they came every night. He went into denial at first, telling himself that the long, thin fingers that did unspeakable things to his body were someone else's, some unidentified shape concocted by his hormonal mind, but when the dreams went from hot and heavy to sweet and loving, talking instead of fucking, laughter instead of moans, denial became obsolete. 

He was in love. He was in love with Severus Snape. 

Crazy, he knew. The hated Potions turned Defense Teacher, the bat of the dungeons, the slimy old git. It was madness, of course, and yet every time Harry tried to convince himself that it wasn’t true, he would see him and he was back at the beginning, the vicious circle starting all over again. 

It didn’t matter that Snape hated him, or that he would probably curse Harry out of existence if he found out. Nothing mattered because Harry knew something that others didn’t. 

You see, that day when he had accidentally fallen into Snape's Pensieve, he didn’t just see his father and godfather pulling a prank on Snape. He saw so much more. 

Of course, right after being caught by the man, the first thing on Harry's mind was the 5th year incident, a horrifying realization that his dad and Sirius weren’t the men he thought they were taking precedent over everything else he'd discovered, but once he was back in his bed that night, the memories came. 

_Freak_. 

That was what Harry had been called for the first 11 years of his life, only learning his real name once he started school. 

_Freak_. 

A name Tobias Snape used to call his son since the moment he learned about his magic. 

It was ironic, Harry thought, that the man he had hated since his first potions class was now the only man who could understand. 

There was more to Snape than anybody realized, except Dumbledore of course, and Harry was finally able to see the man the Headmaster saw all along. 

Harry saw him, the man behind the mask, the studious, quiet boy with a desire for approval. After all, Harry knew the feeling, knew how it felt to need a mask, to need to hide who you are and what you want in order to survive. 

It was a lonely way to live, and bitterness came so easily. It was easy to hate when you didn’t know love, it was easy to hurt when you didn’t know comfort. And after the horrible things Harry had witnessed in that Pensieve, it came as no surprise that Snape was who he was. 

“I expect a four-inch essay about the transfiguration of the human body and its limitations by next Thursday.”, Professor McGonagall said once the class was over, moans of despair following her proclamation. 

Harry moaned as well, realizing that he really needed to start paying more attention if he was serious about getting anything more than a Troll at the end of the year, which was to his dismay in two weeks' time.

“Hurry up, Harry! We are going to be late for Defense!”, Hermione exclaimed while Ron sent him a look from behind her, telling him to just hurry the hell up in order to avoid another one of her lectures. Harry quickly packed his things, resolutely ignoring the way his stomach fluttered at the thought of his next class before they made their way out of the room. 

“Honestly Ron, how...” 

He tuned out of their latest argument; his mind preoccupied with the thoughts of certain someone like it tended to be these days. 

He was equal parts excited and dreading seeing him again, excited to spend time in his presence even if he knew it was all pointless. Snape would never see him as anything more than his father’s son, something Harry sometimes hated him for. All his life he just wanted to be seen as himself, Harry, not the boy who lived or the Savior, but for him. 

But no matter how much Harry hated him, the love he felt overweighted it. It was sick, he knew, something was definitely wrong with him for loving someone that did nothing but hurt him, but still, Harry did. 

He stepped into the Defense classroom, Ron and Hermione following behind still bickering about something before they stopped in their tracks at the sight of all of the tables and chairs pushed into one corner of the room and Snape in the middle of the empty space, a big scowl on his face as he waited for all of the students to trickle into the room. 

“Silence.”, the man said as the last of the students arrived, his voice quiet and cold, but still heard as everyone immediately stopped talking. 

It was amazing, Harry thought, how Snape was able to do that, command the room without so much as raising his voice. It was something only Snape was able to do, since not even McGonagall, who was their strictest professor could pull. 

“Today we will be learning the Patronus Charm.”, Snape said, his statement followed by excited whispering. 

Harry started in surprise since that wasn’t something that was in their 6th-year curriculum and it was in fact a Charm, something Professor Flitwick should teach them, but it was a nice surprise nonetheless. Patronus charm was, in Harry's opinion, something that everyone here needed to know, especially with the War on the horizon. 

“It’s doubtful that more than a handful of you will be able to master it before the year-end if your previous performance is anything to go by, but you will try.” 

This was followed by a stern glare, as if daring them to contradict him, like anyone would be stupid enough to do such a thing, Well, maybe Crabe and Goyle. 

“Can anyone tell me what is the Patronus Charm?” 

Hermione’s hand flew into the air, no surprise there, but what was is that a dozen more hands did the same. Harry smirked at the look of surprise that washed over Snape's face before it was quickly gone, a sneer taking its place. 

“Mr. Longbottom.”, Snape said, making Harry do a double-take when he realized that one of the hands in the air had indeed belonged to Neville. That was a surprise, even if it shouldn’t have been. Neville was no longer a bumbling, shy boy of the previous years, something that became apparent when he started talking right away, the stutter that had always been present in Snape’s presence gone. 

“The Patronus Charm is the most famous and one of the most powerful defensive charms known to wizardkind. It evokes a positive energy force known as a Patronus. It is the primary protection against Dementors and Lethifolds, against which there are no other defenses. There are two types of Patronuses: corporeal which means a Patronus with a particular shape, usually an animal, and incorporeal Patronus, which is a lot weaker.” 

A stunned silence followed Neville's answer, as every eye in the room turned to the blond boy. Even Harry, who knew that there was so much more to his friend than anyone gave him credit for wasn't immune. It was the perfect answer and judging by Snape’s stupefied expression, the man thought so too. 

“Adequate.”, Snape said after a few moments before turning around and continuing with the lesson. 

“The correct incantation is ‘Expecto Patronum’ but only saying the words would do nothing. You have to think of the happiest memory you have and while doing so say the words. Now, pair up and start practicing. I expect at least a weak shield from each of you by the end of the lesson.”, and with that said he turned around and went to the corner of the room, taking a place there in order to watch them. 

Everyone did as he said, and soon there were shouts of incantations, as they started practicing. Harry paired up with Neville, not even bothering to take out his wand since he had mastered the charm when he was barely thirteen years old. Neville, on the other hand, still had trouble with it, managing to produce a strong shield but nothing else. So, Harry spent the rest of the class helping him, much like he had done during the DA meetings, and by the end of the class, a shape was starting to form every time Neville said the incantation. They were still unable to see what it was going to be, but what they did know was that it was going to be big. 

“Mr. Potter, is there a reason why you haven’t done as I asked, or are you just that arrogant to think that my instructions referred to everyone but you?” 

The hairs on the back of Harry's neck stood in attention as that silky voice reached his ears from somewhere behind him, making him stop mid-sentence. He closed his eyes for a second, willing his body to cooperate as he turned around to find Snape standing directly behind him, barely an inch between them. 

A shudder wracked through Harry's system as those eyes that had been haunting his dreams for more than a year now pierced through him, rooting him to the spot, his mind completely blank. 

It was frustrating, the power that Snape possessed over him since just one look from him was enough for Harry to lose all sense. He was paralyzed, unable to move or think, the only thing on his mind- Snape. His hands, his voice, his eyes, his mouth, him.

_Him, him, him._

“Since you are so confident in your abilities Mr. Potter, why don’t you go and shows us how it’s really done?”, Snape continued, his voice but a purr, making him almost swallow his tongue as a desire, the which Harry had never felt before, slammed through him. 

He nodded and turned his back on Snape, making his way to the center of the room as everyone moved away to stand in the circle, obviously curious to see if the rumors about Harry's Patronus were true. Well, the ones that hadn’t been part of the DA, at least. 

Harry took a big breath, calming himself as he thought to his most precious memory, his parents smiling and talking to him, but just as he was about to say the words, another memory appeared, this one a dream. Of him. 

“Expecto Patronum!”, he all but whispered, freezing once the words left his mouth, as the thing that burst out of his wand flew over the classroom. 

_What the fuck!?_

Harry blinked stupidly as he watched an enormous, black raven flying a few circles around the room before slowly misting out of existence. 

“That was awesome!”, someone shouted, followed by more excited chatter. Harry stumbled back, his head spinning as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. It changed. His Patronus had changed and a horrifying realization of why exactly that was made him almost drop to his knees. 

He looked around, seeing Hermione’s and Ron’s surprised faces before his eyes fell on the man standing behind them, watching him with calculating eyes. 

Harry flushed and looked away, thanking all the deities when the bell signaling the end of the class started to ring before he snatched his bag and all but ran out of the room, that piercing gaze like a hot metal scorching the back of his head. 

• 

_“I suddenly realized that we were on borrowed time, that time is always borrowed, and that the lending agency exacts its premium precisely when we are least prepared to pay and need to borrow more...”_  
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

"Severus... please...." 

"Avada Kedavra!" 

Time stood still as Harry watched the man that had been his mentor, his family for the past 6 years fall over the fence, the light leaving his eyes as he did so. 

_Impossible. This is a nightmare, a bad dream._

Harry kept repeating like a mantra, even as he realized that he could move again, Dumbledore’s spell losing its power with the man’s last breath. 

_Oh, God._

The next thing he knew, he was running; down the stairs of the Astronomy tower, through the corridors filled with battling witches and wizards, and out into the open, falling down and getting back up again, his hands bleeding and his pants torn up from the falls. And still, he ran, following their voices, his voice, until he saw him near Hagrid’s Hut. 

“Snape!”, Harry shouted, stopping them in their tracks, Bellatrix's mad cackling reaching his ears as she spotted him. Harry paid them no mind; his eyes glued to the figure standing rigid, Snape's face blank and his wand out. 

“He trusted you! I trusted you!”, Harry continued, not stopping for a second as he stumbled toward him, uncaring for what they could do to him. He was furious, out of his mind enraged as he glared at the man, he'd thought he knew. 

He sent out a curse, which one he wasn’t even aware of, his mind swimming with betrayal and hurt. 

“Get Draco out of here.”, Snape commanded as he repelled it and turned towards Harry, his wand now trained in his direction. They did as he said, leaving the two of them alone, as Harry cast another curse in Snape's direction, and then another, his frustration building as Snape effortlessly repelled them while barely moving an inch. 

Harry growled in anger. he wanted to hurt Snape, he wanted him to suffer as much as Harry was currently suffering, his eyes filling with tears at just the thought of how wrong he had been. 

Everyone had been right about Snape, he was pure evil, and Harry was just stupid enough to not see it. To love him. 

“Sectusempra!”, Harry growled, remembering the words in the book, for enemies it had said, almost laughing at the thought of using it for the first time against the man he loved. 

“You dare use my own spells against me!”, Snape growled as he whipped his wand through the air, a blasting curse hitting Harry straight into the chest. He fell down to the ground, his wand slipping out of his hand and rolling away as Snape stepped over him, a sneer plastered over his lips. 

Harry's eyes widened as he processed the words, finally realizing the identity of the Half-Blood Prince.

_It was him. Of course, it was him._

Harry closed his eyes, unable to look at Snape any longer, unwilling to let him see just how much what he had done has hurt him, as all the previous rage left him, in its wake nothing but desolation. Then suddenly the collar of his shirt was snatched into a tight grip, pulling him from the ground as Harry came face to face with Severus. 

“How do you know that spell?”, the older man all but growled, his eyes fire as he stared at Harry. Harry though, just clenched his teeth, staying silent despite the wand that was pressed into the side of his neck. 

“Legilimens.”, Snape whispered, immediately slipping into his mind, and to Harry's horror started sifting through his memories in search of answers. Harry tried fighting back, dread rising in his throat at the thought of what Snape could discover if he looked deep enough until the man suddenly stopped once he stumbled upon a dream. 

_Oh no_ , Harry thought as he could do nothing but watch the dream play out, actually feeling the exact moment Snape finally realized. It wasn’t a sex dream, thank Merlin for small mercies, but it was nevertheless condemning. 

It was the one of the two of them on a couch, in a nondescript house, the fire burning as they sat together. Severus was reading while Harry watched the fire crackling in the fireplace, his head pressed in the crook of Snape's neck while his hand slowly caressed Harry's hair. 

It was the same dream that Harry had used when producing his Patronus and just as he thought that, the memory of that class filtered through the memory of the dream, the raven shining like a beacon. 

Snape suddenly ended the spell, stumbling back as he jumped away from Harry, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wider than Harry had ever seen them as he stared at the younger boy.   
Harry sat up not even trying to reach for his wand as he pulled his knees toward his chest, averting his eyes, the tears that he had been holding back during the entirety of this confrontation finally breaking out. 

“Just go. Before they come.”, Harry whispered as raised voices started trickling toward his ears, closer with each passing second. 

Silence followed his quiet statement so Harry looked up to see Snape still standing there like a statue, still staring. He jumped to his feet, walking toward the man, stopping barely an inch away from him. 

“I said go! What are you waiting for! Just go! Leave! Leave you fucking coward! I hate you! I hate you!”, Harry screamed, his fists punching Snape's chest as tears flowed down his face, his vision blurred rendering him blind. 

And yet, Severus stayed, stood there and took it, staring at Harry as the young man vented his anger, the suffocating grief that he was afraid would be the end of him. 

The voices grew stronger, shouting Harry's name, and Harry came to his senses and stopped, stepping away from Snape and wiping his eyes. He turned his back to him, crouching down to pick up his wand before starting to walk away. 

“Despite what you saw, if ever see you again, I’ll kill you.”, Harry said over his shoulder, before calmly walking away from him. 


	2. Zwischen Immer und Nie. Zwischen Immer und Nie. Between always and never.

_“He came. He left. Nothing else had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn't changed. Yet nothing would be the same. All that remains is dream-making and strange remembrance.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

Harry sat at the sturdy chair in the infirmary, his head down as he stared at the small glass bottle between his fingers, its shiny contents like melted silver, flickering every time light from the nearby window touched the surface of the glass. 

His mind was completely blank, a calm before the storm he was sure of it, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was tired, so very tired, and the only thing he wanted was to just go to bed and sleep through the next year. 

But he couldn’t do that, at least not yet, he thought as he glanced at the person lying in the bed next to him. 

_Severus._

Harry smiled a sad smile as his eyes drifting over the man’s form, a heavy sense of guilt bursting in his chest at the sorry sight the man made. 

He was thin, thinner than Harry had ever seen him which was saying a lot because the man had already been closed to malnourished on his best days. 

His cheeks were sallow, his bones protruding beneath his pale skin, making him resemble a skeleton more than a living and breathing human being. And he was alive, Harry thought, thank Merlin he was. 

He closed his eyes as he thought back to that horrible night, three days ago, the memory of Severus laying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, bleeding profusely from the wound in his neck making him lose his breath. 

Nothing that happened before or after, not even his walk toward the forest to meet his death could compare with the way it felt to watch the man you loved, even though you knew you shouldn’t, even though you hated yourself for loving him, die in your arms. 

Because Harry did. He loved him with every fiber of his being, something he realized as soon as he saw him again. It had been a year since that night at the Astronomy tower, since the last time Harry had seen him, and he had foolishly thought that he was over him. He wasn’t. 

And as the man died in his hands, or so Harry thought, he made his peace with it. He made peace with the fact that he loved a monster. 

But then Snape gave him his memories and once again, much like three years before, Harry’s world turned on its axis, as he stepped into the Pensieve. 

He wasn’t in love with a monster. No. Severus Snape was a lot of things, but a monster was not one of them. 

So once all was said and done, Voldemort lying in a crumble beneath his feet, Harry turned around and ran, uncaring for the voices calling his name. He ran as fast as his legs could take him, completely out of breath as he stumbled through the tunnel and into the shack. 

He needed to get him home, he thought as he stepped through the decrypt room since just the thought of the man who had saved them all lying dead on that dirty floor made him want to scream. 

But once he was there the sight that greeted him made him stumble over his feet, barely managing not to fall on his face. His chest. His chest was moving. 

_Severus was alive._

And so, ten minutes later saw Harry bursting into the Great Hall with Severus in his arms, shouting for help. 

It must have been a funny sight, Harry thought as he shifted in the chair, trying to make himself more comfortable; Harry Potter, carrying the dreaded Headmaster Snape in his arms as if the man was some damsel in distress. 

He could only imagine the look on Snape’s face if he had been conscious to see it. 

Thankfully, Madam Pomfrey answered his pleas even if she looked more confused than ever at the sight of Harry’s worry. She levitated the man to the infirmary, or at least what was left of it, casting diagnostic charms and summoning potions left and right. 

She proclaimed him out of immediate danger after an intense hour and a half, making Harry drop back into the chair as relief flew through him. 

The Aurors came a few hours later, headed by Kingsley with McGonagall accompanying them, and Harry felt grateful that he had not listened to Hermione when she tried to convince him to leave and go to bed. 

They were there to arrest Snape, and it took Harry taking his wand out and threatening to vanish them as he did Voldemort before they finally agreed to listen to him. Of course, one private viewing of certain memories was enough for everyone to back off. He even watched in amazement as Minerva’s eyes misted over when she looked at Snape after exiting the Pensieve, her head shaking as she mumbled about resurrecting Dumbledore just for a chance to kill the blasted fool herself. 

That had been three days ago, and Harry still hadn’t moved away from Severus’s side, too afraid of leaving the man alone, even though everyone had assured him that he would be well taken care of.

But he was starting to think that maybe he was overreacting, especially since he wasn't really known for his love for Snape, so his relentless vigil of the Potions Master was starting to look suspicious. 

He knew Hermione knew or at least suspected his feelings since she stopped trying to convince him to move and just started bringing him food every few hours and books to read while he waited, a strange look in her eyes, something like pity but not quite every time she looked at him. 

He sighed and stood up from the chair, taking a few steps to the bed next to Severus’s before practically falling into it, already half-asleep. 

He wasn’t worried about Madam Pomfrey, since the matron had long given up on trying to throw him out of her infirmary. 

He turned to his side, curling up under the soft blankets, his gaze upon the unconscious man across from him as his eyes slowly closed, falling into a deep sleep after mere seconds. 

• 

_“If I could have him like this in my dreams every night of my life, I'd stake my entire life on dreams and be done with the rest.”_  
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

Harry slowly drifted back to consciousness; his mind sluggish as he stretched his back, groaning as loud cracks followed the movement. He sat up, running his hands over his face as he willed himself to fully wake up. 

He turned around, setting his feet to the ground, the coldness of the stone floor helping him on his way to the world of the living, while he blindly searched for his glasses that he had left on the bedside table the previous night. 

He stood up, yawning as he did so, before pulling on his sneakers and calling for a house-elf to bring him something to eat, more than a bit surprised to learn that he had slept through the whole morning and it was already time for lunch. 

_Maybe Hermione had been right, he really needed to catch some sleep._

He ate and then vanished the tray before snatching a book from his bedside table and taking a seat at his chair next to Severus. 

He opened the book and started to read out loud, something he had started doing two days ago. He wasn’t sure if the man could hear him, and even if he did, if it brought him a small amount of comfort. But Harry did it, nonetheless, thinking that maybe he could irritate the man with his voice enough for him to wake up, if only just to curse him for bothering him. 

After four days, Harry would do anything, if it meant that Severus would wake up. 

So, he read, getting lost in the book after a while, the book clutched in one of his hands while the other rested on the bed, almost touching Severus’s but not quite. 

He read a few chapters before he suddenly stopped, a small movement catching his eye. He looked up, startled as he saw Snape gazing at him steadily. 

_He was awake._

“So, this is hell.”, Severus said, his voice coming out raspy and broken, making him frown, a frown that grew bigger as Harry smiled brilliantly in answer. 

The book that was in Harry’s hands dropped to the floor as he jumped out of the chair, shouting for Madam Pomfrey, his eyes never leaving the Potions Master even as he was moved out of the way when the matron ran over, fussing around Severus despite a glare the man threw at her for her troubles. 

“You’ll need extensive treatment during the next couple of months, but I’m expecting a full recovery.”, Madam Pomfrey said after a while, a smile gracing her lips as she patted Severus’s hand, before she left them with a stern warning to Harry to not overexert her patient. 

“Sit down, Potter before you fall down. You look like death.”, the man said. Harry did as he asked, reclaiming his seat, squirming a bit as he felt the heavy gaze on him. It was in that moment that he realized that Snape knew. 

Well, he'd known that already, but after everything, after all the madness during the last few days, that little fact had slipped his notice right until he found himself before the man. 

Still, he swallowed his pride, unwilling to be ashamed for his feelings any longer. They were, what they were, and if Snape wanted to ridicule him for them, he could do nothing about it. 

But even as he thought so, he knew deep down that Severus would never do such a thing. 

“The Dark Lord...?” 

“Dead, along with the Horcruxes. And don't worry about the Aurors, they've been dealt with. It’s over Headmaster.”, Harry hurried to say, watching as the tension in the man’s shoulder slowly disappeared. Snape sighed, letting his head fall back to his pillow, one of his hands coming up to his face, partially hiding it from view.

Harry watched him for a few moments, wondering what was on the man’s mind. He couldn’t imagine how he would feel in Severus’s place. Relieved, happy, free? 

He had been fighting in this war for longer than Harry was alive, always in danger, looking over his shoulder, serving two masters for two decades, never able to just sit down and relax, never able to live. 

But not anymore. Now he was free. 

Harry looked down at his hands, the small glass bottle clutched tightly between his fingers as he thought about what came next. Like he said, the war was over, there were no more battles to wage, no more suffering and pain. He had been fighting Voldemort since he was eleven years, never truly believing that he would come out of it alive, so now that he had, he didn’t know what to do. 

He hadn’t dared to plan during the years, since hope seemed like something foolish and forbidden, and now he found himself at the crossroad. Much like the man across from him. 

“I’m sorry.”, Harry said after a few moments, looking up to find Severus watching him already. 

“I was wrong about you. We all were, but I should have known better. I’m only standing here because of you, and I want you to know that I’m grateful. I know that you don’t think much of me, and yet you did so much in order to save me, and I’ll never forget that. I'll never forget you.” 

Snape remained silent, his eyes unmoving as he stared at Harry, a slew of emotions swimming through those impossible eyes, and not for the first time Harry wished to be able to read his mind. Still, he remained silent, much like he did that night a year ago.

Harry looked away, feeling foolish and too young, as he took the bottle in his hand and set it on Snape’s bedside table. 

“She was a lucky woman, my mother, to be loved by a man like you.”, Harry whispered before turning away and making his way out of the room, the heavy feeling of finality weighing upon his soul. 


	3. Perhaps it never went away

_“At one hundred, surely you learn to overcome loss and grief - or do they hound you till the bitter end?”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

  


“Hi, Harry.” 

Harry looked up from the class schedule he was currently trying to create, to see Luna sitting on the chair that was usually reserved for his students when they visited him during office hours. 

He blinked stupidly, startled to find her there since he hasn’t even noticed her come in. How long had she been sitting there? 

“Um... hello.” 

“It’s so peaceful here, and you’ve been so lost in your work, I didn’t want to interrupt you. But if we don’t move now, I fear Draco may bust a vein in his forehead. You know how he is.” 

_Oh. Right. The date._

Harry sighed as he remembered that he had agreed to go on a double date with the two of them and one of Draco’s friends. He still wasn’t sure why he had done such a thing, since he barely tolerated Draco on the best of days, and he couldn’t imagine one of his friends being any better. 

On the other hand, Luna was Draco’s girlfriend, something he still had a hard time believing, so maybe the man wasn’t so bad. 

Luna was still sitting there, her big, blue eyes gazing intently somewhere over his shoulder and Harry had to force himself not to turn around and check if something was behind him. There was nothing there or at least nothing he could see. 

He jumped to his feet, hurrying through the door in the corner leading to his private rooms, almost falling in his haste to get ready. He may be friends with Malfoy now, but if he had to endure another one of the man’s lectures on tardiness, he would curse him. And seeing that Luna loved him for some insane reason, that would be bad. 

He took a quick shower before going to his closet to pick out something to wear. That’s when he hit a roadblock. He stood there, eyeing his clothes, unsure what would be appropriate. If it were up to him, he would have just thrown on one of his jeans and a t-shirt, something comfortable and cozy. But seeing as this was Malfoy’s friend, he had a strong suspicion that wouldn’t be well received. 

So, after another ten minutes, he decided on one of his work outfits, a button-down shirt, and pants, shrugging his shoulders once he was dressed and standing in front of a mirror. 

_That’s as good as it’s gonna get._

He eyed his hair, frowning at the mess but there really wasn’t anything he could do about it. So, he didn’t even bother, and just threw his cloak on and left his rooms. 

• 

“Did you really ride a dragon?” 

Harry nodded in answer, his mouth conveniently full of food, not that it really mattered seeing as the man went on, talking his ear off. Harry glared at the blond sitting across from him, the male one since he wasn’t even sure Luna would notice, lost in her world as she was. 

_This was all Malfoy’s fault._

At least the man seemed to have realized that this had probably been a mistake, staring at his friend in horror. 

The night had started out well enough. They had agreed to meet with Draco’s friend, Loui, at the Three Broomsticks for dinner and drinks. The man had already been there, of course, seeing as they were late because of Harry, something Draco was quick to point out, but Loui didn’t seem to mind. 

Rosemerta was quick to give them a table in a corner, away from the crowd, and they ordered food and drinks. That’s when the torture started. 

It turned out that Loui was nothing like Malfoy; he was much, much worse. And seeing as Malfoy had been his nemesis for the better part of Harry’s life, that was saying something. 

Loui was a fan. A big fan, something that became quite obvious when he started pestering Harry with questions. 

_What was it like, fighting You-know-who?_

_Were you scared?_

_Did you really die?_

_Did you really break into the Ministry, multiple times?_

It was torture, of the worst kind and Harry would know, after all, he had been tortured on various occasions and as he sat there, being bombarded with questions as if he was being interviewed by Rita and not on a date, he started wishing Voldemort was still alive and had him under Crutiatus curse; it would have hurt less. 

The two hours passed in excruciating pace, and once they were done with dinner and standing in front of the restaurant, Harry was barely holding himself from cursing the damn idiot. 

“Don’t.”, he growled once the three of them were on their way back to the castle, after saying goodbye to Loui. 

Draco, who was about to say something wisely closed his mouth, his eyes still a bit wider than usual as if he still couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed. 

Maybe this would be enough to finally convince him that Harry wasn’t overreacting about his love life or the lack of it. 

It all started after the battle; if Harry thought that he had been famous before, it was nothing to what came after. Once the dust had settled and the people stopped celebrating the end of the war, and there was a lot of celebration, Harry had never seen so many people drunk for days, the reporters came. 

He was hounded non-stop, his face splashed on every cover of every newspaper known to wizardkind proclaiming him the man-who-lived-TWICE! It was a nightmare. They wanted to know everything about him and not just the stuff related to the war. 

Then the lunatics came out of the woodworks, sending him letters, love potions, offers of marriage, basically stalking him, even breaking into his house a few times, and wasn’t that just wonderful, until he had enough and moved to the muggle world. 

He bought a small, one-story house just outside of London, with a beautiful garden he actually enjoyed maintaining, not like during his days at the Dursley's. It was peaceful and quiet, and completely his. 

Even after he moved back to Hogwarts, a year ago, he never even considered selling the place; it was his little sanctuary, the first thing that was just his and he would always cherish it. 

Thankfully, Hogwarts wards were the best in the country, so he didn’t even think twice before accepting the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. He wasn’t sure if he had what it took to be a teacher, afraid of mucking things up, or not raising up to the challenge, but he wanted to try. 

He still remembered how good it felt to teach his peers during the Umbridge rule, the sense of accomplishment and pride he felt when one of his friends succeeded in casting a spell or a charm. He wanted to feel like that again so he accepted the job and he never looked back. 

It had been hard at first; the work consisted of more than just teaching. There were class schedules to make, plans, homework, and grading, a top of trying to have order in the classroom and actually teach them anything instead of answering their questions about his life and the incessant hero-worshiping. 

But he did it, and here he was again, back in the castle, about to start his second year. 

“Is it always like that?”, Draco asked quietly as they entered the teacher’s lounge which was thankfully empty, a pot of tea already waiting for them on the small coffee table near the fireplace. 

_Thank Merlin for house-elves._

“Pretty much.”, Harry said, taking a seat in one of the armchairs closes to the fireplace, feeling curiously colder than he should be for the time of the year, even if they were in Scotland. 

He took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he sighed. He was tired, so very tired of his life, and not for the first time he thought about just saying fuck it to all and going to live as a muggle and not just in the muggle world. 

“I... I never... I’m sorry Potter. Had I known; I never would have suggested this. Loui has been my friend since we were kids, and I never got the impression that he was a fan. Your fan.”, Malfoy said, a look on his face one of utter disgust as if just the thought of anyone being a fan of Harry’s made him sick to his stomach. 

Harry couldn’t help but smile, grateful that at least Malfoy would never really change, a small comfort, but comfort nevertheless. He didn’t know what he would have done if the man started simpering after him. Kill him and then himself, most probably. 

“I’m used to it by now.”, Harry shrugged. It was what it was, and he could do nothing but accept it, something that had taken him a long time to come to terms with. 

“Just promise me never to try setting me up again.” 

“I promise.”, Malfoy instantly agreed his expression still a bit sickly, making Harry laugh. 

• 

Harry nodded to Professor Flitwick as he took a seat next to the man, setting his bag next to his chair and pulling out the class plans and schedule he would need. 

It was two days before the term was to start and all the Professors were back in the castle for the last-minute planning. 

“Had a good summer, Harry?”, Filius asked, a jovial smile on his face as he took a sip of his tea. 

Harry nodded, still a bit taken aback whenever one of the professors used his first name and expected the same of him. He still felt like a student some days, especially in the company of the same people that just three years before were his teachers. But thankfully he wasn’t the only one of his year that had come back to Hogwarts to teach which made things a little less awkward. Malfoy was the Potions Master, ever the Slytherin, Luna had replaced Trelawney when the woman had decided to go and travel the world, and Neville was acting as assistant to Professor Sprout until she retired next year. 

“Hey Harry!”, Neville said as he sat at the empty chair beside him. 

“Hi, Nev. Had fun in Romania?”, he asked, happy to see his friend again. Neville had gone to Romania with Ginny, his fiancé, to visit Charlie at the dragon sanctuary as soon as the school year had ended, only arriving in England the previous day. 

The man nodded, a big smile on his face as he excitedly started to tell them about their experiences. He was obviously enamored with dragons and if Harry hadn't known him as well as he did, he would have thought Neville was ready to drop everything and move to Romania to become a dragon handler. 

“Did you set the date already?”, Luna asked. 

“Yule.”, Neville said, pride shining in his eyes as he did so. Harry smiled at the words, happy to hear that two of his closest friends were getting married. 

He felt a twinge of something in his chest as he watched everyone congratulating Neville. It wasn’t really jealousy, but something close. He wanted that. He realized that he wanted that, he wanted what Ginny and Neville, and Hermione and Ron, and even Luna and Draco had. 

He wanted someone in his life, a person to call his own, to come home to after a hard day and just be. 

A memory of two men sitting on the couch in front of a blazing fire came to mind, but he quickly stumped on it, unwilling to even think about it. It had been just a dream, after all, nothing more, and Harry could no longer live in dreams. 

It had been two years since Harry last set his eyes on him, that day in the infirmary the last memory he had of Severus since the man had disappeared from the Wizarding world soon after. 

He hadn’t even shown up to receive his Order of Merlin first-class that he had been awarded; the only one to receive ‘first-class’ beside Harry. 

It had been hard, letting go of him, especially after learning about his true loyalties, the ultimate proof that Harry hadn’t been crazy about falling in love with him. But he had to, after all, the man was straight and in love with his dead mother, there really was no hope. 

He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, refusing to think on that subject anymore; it only brought him heartbreak and Harry has had that enough in his life. 

Headmistress McGonagall stepped into the room, walking briskly to her place at the front of the table, apologizing for keeping everyone waiting. She didn’t sit though, choosing to stand behind her chair as she waited for everyone to settle down. 

“I have an announcement to make.”, she said after a moment, her Scottish brawl ticker than ever as she watched them over the rim of her glasses. 

Harry frowned, curious to see what she could possibly have to say. All the teaching positions had already been occupied so a new face was unlikely to appear. 

“I have decided to step away from my Headmistress position. I’ll continue to teach Transfiguration for the next school year before retiring.” 

Everyone stopped in their tracks, a dozen pairs of eyes blinking stupidly at her announcement. 

“But, if you’re stepping down, then who will be taking your position? The school year begins in two days.”, Malfoy was the first to retain his senses, ever the Pureblood, voicing what was on everyone's minds. 

“That would be me, Mr. Malfoy.”, a dark, raspy voice drawled from the entrance, making Harry’s heart skip a bit. 

_Severus_. 


	4. Was he my home, then, my homecoming?

_“What lies ahead is going to be very difficult. Fear not. It will come. At least I hope it does. And when you least expect it. Nature has its cunning way of finding our weakest spot.”_  
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“Severus!”, Draco exclaimed, his face breaking into a real smile, a rare thing, only reserved for his family and Luna at the sight of his Godfather. 

Harry stared at him as he tried to breathe evenly, his head spinning. It wasn’t possible. He couldn’t be here. Not now. 

_Why now?_

Everyone slowly stood up, Draco the first to do so, running around the table to hug Severus, before others stepped in to welcome him back. 

Harry stood as well, forcing his face to some semblance of indifference as he finally looked up, all of his efforts for nothing once his eyes connected with Severus’s. 

The man was standing a few feet away, watching him over Draco's shoulder, his gaze so intent that Harry’s heart stopped. 

He stared stunned at the man, and if it wasn’t for that voice and those eyes, he would have thought they were all mistaken. Severus looked nothing like the man Harry had last seen two years ago. 

He was no longer close to starved, his body filled up, and strong. His skin was tanned, a healthy shine to it, saying that man no longer spent his days cooped up in the dungeons. But the thing that took the cake was his hair. It was gone. 

In place of his long, oily locks that Severus was so famous for was now a short, stylish cut. 

He looked more than a decade younger and Harry could do nothing but stare. 

_Hot; that was the word._

_Fuck._

“You didn’t tell me you were coming back!”, Draco said, glaring at his Godfather but not for long, a small smile breaking out after a moment. 

“Minerva thought that it would be better if we kept it under wraps; a surprise if you may.”, Severus said, finally looking away from Harry, making it easier to breathe. 

Harry turned his back to the crowd, pretending to tidy up his papers seeing as they wouldn’t be working after all, while tried to take back some semblance of control. His hands were shaking, and he stopped what he was doing, squeezing them into fists while cursing himself. 

_He was better than this._

He took a big breath, raising his Occlumency shields, something he had finally mastered after the end of the war, before turning around only to end up face to face with the cause of his temporary insanity. 

“Hello, Harry.”, Severus said, his voice a quiet purr, setting Harry’s nerves on fire. 

_Harry._

He had never called him that. Harry had long ago come to terms that he would forever be Mr. Potter in Severus’s eyes, and that was good. It meant distance, and distance was something Harry needed in order to make his peace with the impossibility that was Severus Snape. 

But that seemed to be gone now, Severus was changing the rules of the game, yet again, and Harry found himself floundering around, unsure how to react. 

“Headmaster; welcome back.”, he said in the end, because that’s what Snape was. His new boss, a colleague, nothing more. 

He wouldn’t call him by his name, he couldn’t. Severus was the man on the couch, the fingers that brought fire to his skin, the voice setting him aflame, a fantasy. 

Something flashed through those dark eyes at Harry’s words, an emotion Harry was unable to name, gone as soon as it appeared, so quickly that he wasn’t even sure if it was ever really there. 

“Harry Potter, a DADA Professor. There aren’t many things that could still surprise me, but that did. I never imagined the boy I knew as a teacher. An Auror, yes, but never a teacher.”, Severus drawled as he leaned against the back of a chair, his arms crossed before his chest, his eyes focused solely on Harry. 

Harry blinked, startled to find himself in a conversation with Snape without insults being hurled back and forth, or the usual sneer present on the man’s face. It seemed as the man really wanted to talk with Harry. 

_The first sign of the Apocalypse, for sure._

Harry looked down to his feet, unable to hold onto a snort that escaped his mouth. Severus frowned, confused at Harry’s reaction. 

“That’s just it, Headmaster. You never really knew me.”, Harry said, a sad smile playing at the edges of his mouth as he looked back at Snape. 

The man remained silent for a moment, gazing at Harry with calculating eyes before he whispered. 

“I’m beginning to see that.” 

They were interrupted by Minerva calling for Severus to join her at the fireplace, which the man did, sending one last look toward Harry over his shoulder before leaving. 

• 

_“Fire like fear, like panic, like one more minute of this, and I'll die if he doesn't knock at my door, but I'd sooner he never knocks than knock now.”_  
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“You are my savior, Harry!”, Ron exclaimed as he stepped out of the fireplace, the squirming bundle clutched in his arms. 

“Yours and everyone else's, weasel.”, Draco quipped from his place at Harry’s couch where he was lounging like a damn cat. 

Harry glared at the man as he took little Rose from Ron, unwrapping the blankets her father had wrapped her in. 

“Why are you here again?”, he asked, as Malfoy just smirked in answer before going back to reading his book, completely ignoring them. 

_It’s my own damn fault_ , Harry thought, _making friends with a Malfoy._

“It’s fine Ron, you know I would never refuse a chance to spend some time with my favorite Goddaughter.” 

“Um, she’s your only Goddaughter, Harry.” 

“Semantics.”, Harry said, not even bothering to look up, his eyes solely focused at the girl in his lap, listening intently to her excited gibberish. She wasn’t really talking yet, but she was close and seeing as Hermione was her mother, it was going to happen soon. 

It came as a shock when Hermione and Ron announced that Hermione was pregnant as soon as the war ended. It turned out that they had had a small accident caused by a lot of alcohol during the celebration of the end of the war and the result had been Rose. 

Harry had been worried at first for Hermione, she was so young and ambitious, so he had been afraid that she would come to resent her child later in life, but he shouldn’t have worried. Hermione had gone to work in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, training to be a lawyer, and she had somehow managed to pass the bar in less than eight months, something no one else had ever done, just in time to have her child, which almost happened in the middle of a trial, seeing as she had been working even then. 

“I know, but still, thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you couldn’t take her. I promised Hermione that I would watch her since she has that big trial today, but then George called this morning, asking me to come in since he couldn’t do it all by himself and Lee was sick and was unable to come for his shift. And my parents are out of the country, visiting Bill and Fleur.” 

“Ron, breathe. I’ve got this. So just go, we will be here when you come back.” 

Ron nodded, kissing his daughter one last time before flewing out of Hogwarts. 

“Well, I’m off Potter.”, Malfoy said, standing up and making his way toward the door. 

“No. You aren’t going anywhere. I can’t do this on my own.” 

Draco turned with an eyebrow raised. 

“Oh, yes, I’m going. Your Goddaughter, your problem.”, he quipped before running out of the room. 

“Stupid ferret.”, Harry mumbled as he turned back to Rose, her wide eyes blinking at him before she frowned. 

“Oh, Rose, no!”, he moaned when a strong odor drifted to his nose. 

“You really are your father’s daughter, aren’t you?”, Harry said as he took her in his arms and made his way to the bathroom. 

• 

“Are you hungry, Rosie? Because I sure am.”, Harry mumbled as he exited the bathroom, only to stop in his tracks when he saw that Rosie was no longer on the floor filled with her toys where he had left her when he went to the bathroom. 

_Bullocks_. 

“Rosie?!”, he yelled as he started to run through his quarters, dread rising in his throat when he couldn’t find her, the dread that became full-blown panic once he realized the doors to his rooms were open. 

_I’m going to kill that stupid ferret!_

Harry cursed as he ran outside looking left and right once he was in the 7th-floor corridor, but still unable to see Rose. His face blanched at the thought of just how many stairs there were between here and the ground floor, his mind filling with horrible scenarios until he was practically having a panic attack as he ran through the castle. 

“Harry, what’s wrong?”, Minerva said as she came across the young man, his face paler than death. 

“Rose, she escaped, I can’t find her Minerva!”, Harry exclaimed his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. 

“What am I going to do!? She could be anywhere!” 

“Calm down, Harry. We’ll find her. I’m going to go find the ghosts and the other professors and we’ll help you search. You go and inform the Headmaster and we’ll meet at your quarters.” 

Harry nodded, already turning around and running toward the gargoyle, his feet barely touching the ground as he did so. He was already on the stairs that led to the Headmaster’s office when a burst of silver light appeared in front of him, startling him so much that he barely managed not to lose his footing. 

“Potter. My office. Now.”, the raspy voice of Severus Snape came out of the orb, before it vanished. 

Harry blinked, confused at the weird-looking Patronus, curious as to why it hadn't taken the shape of a doe. 

He shook his head, and ran the rest of the way up the stairs, unwilling to wait for them to take him up. He all but burst into the room, not even bothering to knock before stopping in his tracks at the sight that greeted him. 

“That was fast.”, Severus drawled, not even looking at him, his eyes focused on the little girl sitting in his lap. 

_Rose_. 

Harry almost fainted in relief, as he stepped further into the room, falling down to his knees beside the two of them. Rose was there, safe and sound and playing with Snape? 

_What in the..._

Harry blinked stupidly as he watched Rose giggling at the tiny little paper dragons flying around her head, just out of her reach, sitting in Snape’s lap right on the floor, her back to his chest and his head atop of her head. 

The picture the two made... Harry swallowed, averting his eyes as he took a big breath, his eyes curiously blurring. 

He sat down, next to Severus, leaning back on his hands as he slowly calmed down, his mind still in a slight panic, the adrenalin still in his system. 

“You are a dreadful babysitter, Potter.”, Severus said, making Harry burst out laughing as he laid down to the floor, bending in half. 

Severus watched him over his shoulder, a small smile in the corner of his lips as Harry laughed. 


	5. I lived in the dark so as not to be blinded when darkness came

_“I’m not wise at all. I told you, I know nothing. I know books, and I know how to string words together—it doesn’t mean I know how to speak about the things that matter most to me.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“You are doing it again, Harry.”, Luna whispered, making him look down, a small blush blooming in his cheeks at being caught staring at Severus. 

At least, it was Luna and not the man himself, which had happened already, too many times for comfort. Harry just couldn’t seem to help himself, the feelings he thought he had buried long ago, coming out to the surface with the reappearance of Severus. 

He tried to squash them, knowing that they would bring him nothing but sorrow, and yet, he couldn’t. On the contrary, as the weeks went by, he found himself more and more enamored with the man. 

Severus was still the man Harry had known during his school years; intense and snarky, but there was now a warmth in him, a softness that was never there before. He smiled now, small quirks of his lips, nothing more, but still there. 

He actually talked with people instead of fighting, and spent his time in the teacher’s lounge, not hiding in the dungeons like he used to. 

He still refused to suffer fools, and his tongue was as venomous as ever, but only when it was deserved. 

He was everything Harry wanted and yet, everything he could never have. 

Harry sighed, making himself concentrate on what was being discussed instead of dwelling on the things he couldn’t change. 

“Anything else?”, Snape asked as Professor Sprout finished with her class report. When no one said anything, he nodded and finished the meeting making Harry’s hands start to sweat. 

He needed to ask him something and he felt nervous about it. He stood up, and made his way toward Severus, taking the opportunity that the man had stuck around after the end of the meeting. 

“Headmaster, could I have a moment?”, he said as he approached him, proud that his voice came out strong and even, even if he felt anything but. 

Severus looked up, one of his brows rising as he saw Harry before he nodded. 

“Of course. Here, or would you prefer a more private setting?”, he asked smoothly. 

Harry blinked, his face going up in flames as his mind came up with a rather vivid picture of a private setting, he wished they could have. 

“Um... no.”, Harry squeaked, blushing even more in embarrassment as the edge of Snape’s lips quirked up. 

Harry cleared his throat, looking away, all the while berating himself for acting like a love-sick teenager. 

_Smooth, Harry, real smooth._

“I mean, this works just fine. I was just wondering if you would have anything against me starting a dueling club? Something like what we had in my second year, but better?” 

One of Snape’s brows furrowed, and Harry realized what he had said, a feeling of utter horror rising in his stomach. 

“Not that it was bad! I mean you were brilliant! You are always brilliant, of course. I just meant without Lockhart around to mess things up.” 

_Someone, for the love of God, kill me!_

Harry thought, feeling horrified at verbal diarrhea that had just spilled out of his mouth. Snape, on the other hand, looked like he was having a time of his life, his trademark smirk firmly on his face, his eyes dancing with merriment as he watched Harry. 

“Indeed.”, he said, as he crossed one of his long legs over the other. 

“I don’t see anything wrong with that, so do as you please, Mr. Potter.” 

Harry nodded, relieved that he hadn’t messed things up beyond repair, before he quickly jumped up and all but ran away, a dark, raspy chuckle following him to his dreams. 

• 

“How is the dueling club going?”, Hermione asked as they made their way through the crowd in the Three Broomsticks. It had been a bad idea to come here on Halloween night, he thought as they squeezed through the throngs of people on their way to their table. 

It was during times like these, he was actually grateful for being The-Man-Who-Lived since it meant he always had a table wherever he showed up, no matter if he had a reservation or not, something his friends took great advantage of. 

“Great!”, Harry said as they finally reached their table, his face splitting into a smile at the thought of his little club. Well, it wasn’t really little, seeing as every single student had signed up for it as soon as they learned that Harry Potter was going to be leading it. 

Harry had blanched when the prefects had delivered the signing sheets during breakfast the week before, to Severus’s great amusement, seeing as the man had actually snorted into his tea once Harry had opened the scroll only for it to fall to the ground as it unrolled. 

Planning the sessions with so many people wanting to attend had been hard since the only available room that was able to accommodate so many people was the Great Hall but he did it once he remembered the Room of Requirement. 

He had the first session just the day before and it had been great. Harry smiled as he remembered the look on everyone’s faces as they dueled. 

He absolutely loved teaching. 

“That’s amazing Harry.”, Hermione said, smiling as she watched him over the rim of her glass. 

“And what about Headmaster?” 

Harry froze, his eyes flying to her, as he did so. 

“What about him?” 

“Harry.” 

Harry looked down, frowning as he played with his empty glass, knowing that she was looking at him with knowing eyes. 

They had never actually discussed Harry’s feelings for Snape, but he knew that she knew. He wasn’t sure when she had actually realized, but he had a strong suspicion that it was long before the war had ended. 

After all, they had shared a tent together for almost a year, and even though Harry had hated Snape as much as he had loved him during that time, he couldn’t control his dreams. And in his dreams, there had been only Severus. 

Something that had never truly changed, even to this day. 

And even he had somehow managed to avoid her finding out like that, his reaction in the Shrieking Shack when they found Severus was more than enough of a tell. 

You didn’t go and break down at the sight of the man you were supposed to hate dying, no matter how good of a person you were. 

And Harry had broken down, weeping as he had never done in his life before or after, clutching Snape’s body to his, refusing to let him go, until Ron was forced to physically remove him. 

That had been the worst night of his life. 

“If you don’t want to talk about him, that’s fine. I just need to know that you are okay. Living in such close quarters again can’t be easy.” 

“I’m fine, Hermione. Truly. It’s in the past.", Harry said. 

She nodded, keeping to her promise not to pester him about it, but he could see that she didn’t believe him. 

That was okay, he wouldn’t believe himself in her place, either. 

• 

They stayed in the Three Broomsticks till midnight, taking the opportunity to just enjoy each other’s company without Rose or his students interrupting them. He realized just how much he had missed her, as they talked for hours, his main place of living now being in Hogwarts and her work and parenting responsibilities making it impossible for them to meet like this often. 

They said their goodbyes in front of the pub before Hermione called for the Knight Bus, seeing as she was too intoxicated for apparition or flew network. Harry made sure that she was safely on her way home before he made his way back to the castle. 

He stumbled his way through the dark corridors, questioning his judgment as he thought what a student would think of seeing their Professor drunk. 

He snorted, placing his hand over his mouth, knowing that he needed to be quiet. It was late enough that he seriously doubted even the most rebellious students would be out, but that didn’t mean there were no others that could. His colleagues for example. 

He was almost at his door when he heard voices from behind the corner, making his curiosity peak. He knew that he should just mind his damn business, and go the long way to his rooms, but even as he thought so he was already creeping closer, glancing around the corner as he realized that the voices were coming from the entrance to the headmaster’s office. 

The first thing he noticed was Severus, which wasn’t really hard to do seeing as the man towered over just about anyone, and he almost moved back, horrified at the thought of Severus of all people catching him drunk. But then he saw Sinistra as well and frowned, staying put. 

_What were the two of them doing out so late? Did something happen?_

Harry thought, swaying on his feet, as he stepped closer, curious to hear what they were talking about. 

“Thank you for your help, Severus, I really appreciate it.”, Sinistra said, before she leaned closer, kissing Severus’s cheek. 

Harry’s eyes widened at the sight, his bag slipping from his shoulder and falling to the ground, the sound of his things spilling out, and a few bottles of ink breaking catching the attention of the two of them. 

Severus looked up, his eyes falling on Harry who could do nothing but stand rooted to the spot, as his world crashed around him. He knew that this could happen, Severus was still young, an incredible man, and the world could finally see it, and yet...and yet.

_Severus... and... Sinistra..._

He swayed on his feet before he bent down and vomited all over the floor. 

_Smooth, Harry, real smooth._


	6. Rehearse the pain to dull the pain

_“Like soldiers trained to fight by night, I lived in the dark so as not to be blinded when darkness came. Rehearse the pain to dull the pain. Homeopathically.”_  
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“Merlin! Mr. Potter, are you alright?”, Sinistra exclaimed, rushing to where Harry was still standing bent down in the middle. The putrid smell of vomit drifting to his nose, making him sick up again. 

The woman skipped over the small puddle, her button nose wrinkling at the sight, as she put one of her hands on Harry’s back in a sign of comfort. 

Harry winced, stepping away, or at least trying to, unable to stand the woman, that woman touching him. He stumbled, almost falling over his feet in his bid to get away, before a strong set of arms wrapped around his middle, helping to keep him upright. 

“I’ll take care of this, Sinistra, you can go back to your quarters.”, a dark, raspy voice said close to Harry’s ear, making him shudder as the warm breath tickled his flushed skin. He thought about protesting, feeling more than horrified at the thought of Severus of all people seeing him in such a sorry state, but in the end, he did nothing, feeling too weak to do anything except lean back into that strong chest and let himself be taken care off. 

Sinistra looked at the two of them dubiously but still nodded, sending a small smile of pity toward Harry before leaving them alone. 

Harry closed his eyes, dreading what he was sure would come next, because surely Severus would not let this go without some sort of punishment. And Harry couldn’t even blame him, knowing that he had let the Headmaster down. It was reckless, he was reckless, just like the man had been saying since the moment he met Harry. 

“Come now, let’s take you to your room.”, Severus said, moving a bit so that he could throw one of Harry’s arms around his shoulder. Harry looked at him, feeling confused at the action. 

_Wouldn’t it have been easier just to use magic?_

They trudged through the corridor, bypassing the gargoyle and going toward the door a few feet away, the entrance to Harry’s quarters. 

He was the only Professor that had quarters so close to the Headmasters' office, since it wasn’t usually done. But once Harry Potter had come to teach at Hogwarts, it became a necessity to separate him from more public areas since he had fans even amongst students. Minerva had thought that being so close to the Headmaster’s office would sway the students in bothering Harry in his private rooms and she had been right. 

Snape opened the door, the wards allowing him entrance immediately without him having to say the Headmaster’s password, making the man frown as his sharp eyes turned to Harry. The younger man blushed, looking away, pretending that nothing amiss had just happened all the while praying that Snape would not press the issue. 

He didn’t want to explain why Severus was keyed to his words, something, not even his friends were. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone speak about it; about his first day back in Hogwarts, when he had keyed in the man he had not seen in months, feeling like a hopeless fool even then. 

Severus helped him into the room, choosing to stay silent, thank God for small mercies, walking him to his bedroom. Harry couldn’t help but blush as they stopped in front of his bed, an embarrassing giggle escaping his mouth before he could stop it. 

Severus said nothing, although Harry could have sworn that one side of his lips had quirked up just for a second, as he helped him into the bed. 

"Are you going to fire me?”, Harry asked once he was lying down, blinking owlishly at Severus. 

The man frowned as he bent down to take off his shoes, and wasn’t that just mind-blowing? 

“And why would I do such a thing, Mr. Potter?”, he asked. 

Harry frowned at the man, hating that he had started calling him by his last name, missing the way 'Harry' sounded in that raspy voice. 

“I preferred it when you called me Harry. Why did you stop?” 

Severus glanced up at the question, stopping what he was doing for a moment as he observed Harry curiously. 

“I thought it made you uncomfortable.”, he said after a second, before getting back to untying his shoes. 

Harry snorted at those words before snuggling more deeply into his pillows. 

“Hot, it makes me hot. Everything you say does. I blame the voice.”, he mumbled, giggling once again before stopping as he remembered the scene from the corridors. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t, though, I don’t think Sinistra would like that.” 

When dead silence followed his answer, Harry glanced down to his feet to find Severus staring at him with slightly widened eyes. 

“Is she your girlfriend?” 

Severus blinked, coming back to his senses as he stood up and threw a comforter over Harry’s body, his cheeks slightly flushed. 

“Sleep, Harry.”, he said as he tucked him in. Harry nodded, sighing sleepily as he did as he was told, falling into a deep slumber even before the man left the room. 

• 

There was a sun in his room, Harry was absolutely sure of it, because why else would his head split open every time he tried opening his eyes. 

He moaned, and turned to his side, blindly searching for his wand that he usually left on the bedside table, wincing as his hand hit something and it clattered down. 

_Please don’t be the glasses, please don’t be the glasses._

He thought as his hand finally reached his wand. He murmured a small incantation, sighing in relief as the blinds closed, leaving him in a blissful semi-darkness. 

He sat up slowly, regretting that decision as soon as he did so, as his stomach rolled in itself, making him sick. 

_How much did I drink last night?_

He looked toward the table, squinting since he was practically blind, a small smile spreading over his lips once he saw a shape that matched his glasses there. 

_Thank Merlin._

He took them and put them on, looking around his room now that he could finally see while trying to remember what happened the previous night. 

He remembered going out with Hermione, and he knew there was a lot of alcohol involved, but nothing else. Did he get so smashed that Hermione had to take him back to Hogwarts? 

_Lovely._

He shook his head, instantly regretting it as sharp pain sliced through it, making him regret all of his life choices. He started to get up, trying to remember if he had some pain relief potion left when something on the floor caught his attention. He crouched down, picking up a small, glass bottle with a sickly yellow potion inside. 

_A hangover potion?_

He frowned, rolling the bottle between his fingers when he spotted a small label on one side. 

**_Drink me, Potter._ **

Was written on it in small, spidery handwriting, the memories of Potion’s assignments marked in a river of the red ink flashing through his mind. 

His eyes widened as a slew of other memories flittered through his mind, these ones more recent, and he fell on his butt as he groaned. 

• 

‘What are you doing, Potter?”, Draco drawled as Harry barged into his office, closing the door quickly behind himself. 

_That was the question_ , Harry thought. 

_What was he doing?_

It had been a week since what he referred to as ‘the incident’ happened and he was yet to confront the Headmaster. He wasn’t even sure how he had managed to avoid the man for so long, since, yes, Hogwarts was big, but not that big. He blamed his dumb luck, relieved that he still had some left. 

Draco pointedly cleared his throat, one of his brows raised as he observed him, making Harry realize that he was still glued to the door. He stepped away, flushing in embarrassment as he tried to come up with an excuse for his odd behavior. 

He had been walking through the dungeons, desperate for a change of scenery seeing as he had been holed up in his rooms for the past week, only going out to teach classes and his dueling club. He didn’t even venture out for his meals, begging off, new Defense research as an excuse for his absence. What he was going to do when people asked for the results, he honestly didn’t know. 

He had thought that dungeons would be safe enough, seeing as Snape rarely went down there these days, probably a bit sick at the sight of them after twenty years of being forced to live there. But he had been wrong, and once he saw Snape talking with one of the Slytherin students he had panicked and ran, coming into Draco’s office to hide. 

Immature, he knew but he didn’t care. He needed time to process everything that had happened before he could face Severus again. He felt utterly mortified at his behavior that night, from getting sick to spilling out his most intimate thoughts and just the thought of having to look Snape into his eyes made him want to curl up and just die. 

Not to mention the other part of the night, the reason he got sick in the first place. Severus was in a relationship. 

Harry had been too drunk that night to really process that information but once he had sobered up, it had hit him like thunder. He spent the day in his bed, thankful that it was Sunday, unable to imagine being forced to teach in the state that he had been in. 

He had cried for hours, not even able to summon enough will to feel ashamed about it. After all, he was alone and knew that no one would know except himself, but that was okay; he felt ashamed of himself almost every day. 

“I was just wondering if you and Luna would like to have a drink tonight?”, Harry said the first thing that popped into his mind, wincing at the thought of alcohol even as he did so. 

Draco looked at him for a second, his eyes narrowing as Harry twitched in place. 

“I thought you were too busy with ‘research’.”, he said, his voice a bit louder at the word ‘research’ telling Harry that he hadn’t bought his excuse. 

_Stupid, smart ferret._

Harry, though, just pretended that he didn’t hear it as he walked further into office. 

“Yes, but I need a break, so I thought drinks at the Broomsticks with my best friends would do the trick.” 

“Mhm,”, Draco murmured, “best friends. I’m telling the weasel you said that.”, he continued, an evil smirk on his face at the thought. 

“He will never believe it.” 

“We’ll see. Sure, why not. 7, good?”, Draco asked and Harry nodded, shaking his head at the blond. The two of them may be able to tolerate each other now, but Ron and Draco never will. 

• 

After leaving Darco’s office Harry quickly went back to his own, checking the Marauder’s Map for signs of Snape, beating himself up for not thinking of doing that in the first place. 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the doors of his office, before noticing a big, black box waiting for him in the middle of his office, making his eyes light up at the sight of it. 

_It’s here!_

He thought, excitement rising in his chest as he stepped closer to the box. 

He had been waiting for this since last school year, and after a lot of forms and back and forth correspondence with the Ministry, his request for a controlled viewing for seventh-year NEWT student of a Lethifold had finally been approved. 

He smiled at the thought of the look on his oldest student’s faces when they got to see a Lethifold for the first time. They were, beside Dementors, of course, the darkest creatures known to Wizardkind, extremely dangerous, perhaps even more than the Dementors since you couldn’t sense them coming like you could with a Dementor. The only protection against them was the Patronus Charm, something Harry was teaching his seventh-year students, and why he had requested the Lethifold in the first place. 

He turned around, his eyes scanning around his office in search of a place to put the box at until it was time to transport it to his classroom, when he was suddenly grabbed from behind, a clammy touch slithering over his neck, wrapping around it and preventing him from taking another breath. 

He quickly reached for his wand, but his hand was seized before he could so much as utter a spell, the wand falling out of his grasp and cluttering on the stone floor away from him. Harry started to panic, black spots appearing in his vision as he struggled to detach the Lethifold from his body, but it was futile. 

He had already started to think that he was actually going to die, here, in his office by a fucking Lethifold no less, when he was suddenly free, falling down to his knees as he started coughing. 

He moved as soon as he came around, crawling toward his wand, snatching it up, and instantly turning around, the Patronus Charm already on his lips, but at the sight that greeted him, he froze in his tracks, his wand cluttering back to the floor as he gaped. 

A silvery stag, exactly like his own had been once upon a time was already running through the room, chasing the Lethifold away until she had crawled back into her box, the front of the box slamming hard, and locking as she did so. 

The stag ran another circle before trouncing back to his master and then disappearing from sight, leaving Severus alone in the middle of the room, his furious eyes trained on Harry. 


	7. You’ll kill me if you stop

_“If there is any truth in the world, it lies when I’m with you.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“Of all the reckless thing you could have done, Potter! To let a Lethifold loose in a school full of children! You would have been killed if I haven’t come in when I did! What were you thinking!? Or did you think at all?! Of course not, that would have required too much work!”, Severus growled, foaming at the mouth, his face redder than Harry had ever seen it. He was absolutely furious, shouting at the top of his lungs, as Harry just sat there, unable to say a word since every time he tried to defend himself, he was interrupted by another loud lecture. 

“Shut up!”, Harry growled after a few moments, quite done with being yelled at. He was still shaken up, his throat smarting and the skin tender where the Lethifold had taken ahold of him. 

Snape’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes bulging out quite comically and if Harry hadn’t been sure that the man would kill him, he would have laughed. 

“Excuse me?”, he said, his tone now deadly quiet, making Harry shiver unwillingly. 

“Just shut up, will you! Stop shouting like a lunatic, for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t my fault that the Lethifold got loose. It had only just arrived from the Ministry and I was thinking about where to put it when the damn thing jumped out and attacked me. The good-for-nothing idiots in the Ministry must have not locked it or something. So, if you want to shout at someone go to them and do so. Alright!?”, Harry finished, feeling quite furious himself. He was just beginning to realize that he could have died. Actually died, and the realization made him weak in the knees. 

“Fuck...”, he whispered shakily, catching himself before he had the time to fall down, as he slowly sat at the nearby chair, his hands shaking as he brushed them over his face. 

“Are you alright?”, came the question, the voice much closer than it had been before, and he opened his eyes only to see Severus kneeling in front of him, all the previous fury gone, his gaze full of worry as he scanned Harry’s body for injuries. 

“Yeah, the neck’s a bit sore, though.”, he whispered, feeling more than a little exposed under Severus’s heavy gaze. 

He realized as he watched the man before him how much he had missed him. He had gotten used to seeing the man every day during the meals, even if they never talked much, Harry feeling too self-conscious to string more than two words together. 

“Are you sure? Maybe I should call Madam Pomfrey, just to be on the safe side.”, Severus said, the worry still etched into every line of his face. 

Harry quickly nodded since just the thought of the matron fussing around him made him shudder in horror.   
Severus snorted at the look that crossed Harry’s face at the mention of Poppy since he usually sported the same one any time he was obligated to visit the infirmary. 

“I just need a moment to calm down, that’s all. The damn thing was so unexpected, my heart is still trying to escape my chest. I guess I had gotten too comfortable as of late. Constant vigilance, right?”, Harry said, a sad smirk on his lips, the same one echoed on Severus’s face. 

The man stood up then and Harry thought that that would be the end of it but he didn’t leave, instead, he walked through Harry’s office, his eyes traveling over the shelves on the walls before his eyes paused at the frame at one of them. 

He picked it up, one of his fingers gently caressing what Harry knew was his mother’s face smiling as she looked at the baby in her arms; himself. Harry had found the photo in one of the vaults his parents had left him soon after the end of the war, end he had immediately framed it. It was one of his most prized possessions, few as he had. 

He looked away, unable to stand watching the man he loved look lovingly at another. His mother, of all others. He felt ashamed at the jealousy that was starting to rise in his throat, the urge to laugh hysterically at being jealous of his own dead mother bigger than ever. 

_Sometimes, Harry hated his life._

“Do you still miss her?”, he couldn’t help but ask, at the same time wanting and dreading to hear the answer. 

Severus looked up from the picture, his gaze falling on Harry as he put the frame back to its place. 

“Would you miss Hermione if she died?”, was his answer, startling Harry. 

“Well, of course.”, he answered stupidly, frowning at the man. 

“Then you have your answer. Lily was my first friend, maybe even the only true friend I ever had. Losing her was the most devastating moment of my life.”, Severus said quietly, his face facing the window as he did so. 

Harry frowned, looking down at his hands, feeling more confused than ever. 

_Friend_? 

“You should have some rest, Harry, and I’ll make sure there is someone to teach your classes for the rest of the day.”, Severus said before turning around and quickly leaving the room, leaving Harry alone, feeling more confused than ever. 

• 

Before Harry could wrap his head around it, a week passed since the Lethifold attack and Yule was there, which meant no classes, something Harry welcomed, feeling as if the first few months of the school year had lasted for more than a century. But Yule also meant Neville and Ginny’s wedding, something Harry had been dreading. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for his friends, because he was, truly; they were one of the best people Harry had ever met and they deserved all the happiness in the world. 

But seeing them in love and so happy, only reminded Harry that he wasn’t. He was alone, so utterly alone, and he was getting sick of it. He wanted what they had, wanted to fall in love and date, and get married and start a family, he wanted it all. The only thing was, Harry was already in love, had been since he was basically a child, barely fifteen, and no matter how much he tried to let it go and find someone who could actually provide everything Harry wished for, he couldn’t. 

Severus had wormed his way into his heart and it seemed as if he would always stay there. 

“Harry! It’s so good to see you, dear!”, Molly exclaimed as soon as she saw him, pulling him into one of her famous bear hugs. Harry smiled and hugged her back, truly happy to see her after so many months. 

“Have you been eating? Because you look thinner than the last time, I saw you! Are they not feeding you at Hogwarts?”, she asked, frowning as she looked at him. Harry shrugged, aware that he had lost a bit of weight since the summer holidays. Eating has become a bit of a chore in the last few weeks, his stress over the end of semester grading and the whole situation with Severus making him anything but hungry. 

“I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley.”, he said before taking the opportunity that she was distracted by another guest to escape. He walked over to his assigned place once he spotted Hermione and Ron and took a seat. 

The ceremony was beautiful and Harry wasn’t ashamed to admit that even he went teary-eyed once the couple said their wows, the absolute happiness on Neville’s and Ginny’s faces making it impossible not to swoon. 

He was enjoying his dessert while watching the couples swaying on the dance floor when he was joined by Sinistra and Madam Hooch. He startled a bit, not expecting to see the two of them there, although, once he thought about it, it was no wonder Hooch was there. After all, she had been the one to introduce Ginny to the manager of the Holyhead Harpies, the team she now played for. 

“Hello, Harry! How are you? I hope you are feeling a bit better now.”, Sinistra said, smiling at him. Harry cleared his throat, blushing at the memory of that night as he nodded. 

They talked for a bit, sharing funny stories about their students, when something caught Harry’s attention, making him almost choke on his drink. 

The two of them were holding hands. 

“Are you quite alright, dear?”, Hooch asked as she handed him a napkin. He nodded absentmindedly; his eyes still glued to their hands. 

“Aren’t you with Snape?”, he blurted out suddenly, flushing bright red once he realized what he had just said, his eyes wide as he looked at them. 

“Excuse me?”, Sinistra said, her brows disappearing into her fringe. 

“I thought... that night... I thought you two were...”, he stuttered, too confused to form a coherent sentence. 

Sinistra suddenly laughed, her eyes tearing up as she did so, bending almost in half as she watched Harry. 

“Merlin, Harry! No, of course not. I’m gay, and in a relationship, as you can see.”, she said once she stopped laughing, although a few stray giggles still escaped her mouth. 

“We are trying to have a baby, and Severus had been kind enough to brew us a potion that will enable us to have a child that is both mine and Rolanda’s. He had just given me the potion when you appeared that night.” 

Harry’s eyes widened, as he processed this new information, feeling quite stupid all of a sudden for jumping to conclusions. 

And as he sat there thinking, he remembered a few other things, things that made him sit up straight. 

_The Patronus, it had changed!_

At the time he had seen it, Harry had been too distracted to really think about what it could mean. And afterward, he thought that he must have imagined the antlers, after all, he had just been almost strangled to death. But now, he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Why had his Patronus changed? 

_A stag... Severus’s Patronus was a stag._

Without sparing even a moment to think, Harry took out his wand and apparated. 


	8. Nonsense. I wanted you from day one. I just hid it better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter contains mature themes and the rating has officially gone to M, so read with caution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the end of my little story.  
> I want to thank everyone that had commented, left kudos, and bookmarked the story, you are bloody amazing.  
> I'm looking forward to hearing what you thought of the ending, so read and review!   
> See you in another story! ♡

_“Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

He apparated to the gates of Hogwarts, the wards preventing anyone except the Headmaster to actually apparate into the school grounds. He passed through the gates and quickly made his way toward the castle, his legs taking him where he needed to go without him actually thinking about it. 

His mind was buzzing with possibilities, impossible as they seemed. He couldn’t help but think about the stag he had seen; it had looked exactly like his old one, and the reason behind it. 

Maybe there was hope, still, a voice in the back of his mind whispered, the voice he didn’t even try to silence. He couldn’t do that now, running as he was toward Severus’s office. Because he knew, he just knew that he was right. That feeling deep down in his stomach that had told him Voldemort was after the Stone in his first year, or that Draco was a Death Eater in his sixth was now telling him that he was the reason Severus’s Patronus had changed. 

Maybe it was just wishful thinking and Harry was on his way to getting his heart broken, this time irrevocably, but he needed to know. He needed to know once and for all if there was any chance that Severus could see him as more than a colleague or a friend. 

And if he was wrong, then he will deal, but if he was right... 

_Merlin, if he was right..._

Before Harry even realized he found himself in front of the gargoyle, whispering the password and climbing up the stairs, his hands shaking as he noticed that the doors were open. 

He stepped into the office, his eyes falling on the man he was there to see, although the man himself hadn’t noticed his arrival yet. 

“It’s a stag. Your Patronus, it...it’s a stag.”, he said quietly. 

Severus startled at the sound of his voice, his eyes flying up from the book clutched in his hand, widening slightly at the sight of Harry. 

He remained silent for a moment, gazing intently at Harry, his face a mask, but his eyes, his eyes were on fire. 

“Yes.” 

“Like mine used to be.” 

Severus paused, clearing his throat as he set the book away, before standing up and coming around the table to stand in front of him, his eyes never once leaving Harry’s. 

“Yes, Harry. Exactly like yours.” 

“Oh.”, Harry sighed, his legs shaking as he took a step forward, a step closer, his eyes searching Severus’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. 

“Is it... I mean... Did it change...why?” 

“Why did yours?”, Severus asked, stepping even closer, one of his hands rising up to brush a lock of Harry’s hair out of his face. 

Harry’s eyes closed, a shudder wracking through his body at the feeling of those fingers touching him. He had dreamed about them, fantasized, and yet nothing, nothing had come even close to how he felt in that very moment. 

But, he needed to know. 

“I need to know. Severus, please, I... I need to hear you say it. Pleas...”, he was unable to finish, as Severus's hand that had been touching his hair slipped behind his neck and pulled him closer, their lips smashing together, making Harry lose all sense. 

He was floating as Severus devoured his mouth, the only thing keeping him from getting lost in the sea of emotions, Severus; his lips, his hands that were clutching him so tightly he knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. He couldn’t wait, he couldn’t wait to see them, feel them every time he moved, a physical proof that Severus had kissed him. 

“Does this answer your question?”, Severus asked once they separated, Harry blinking stupidly at him as he tried to remember his own name. 

“I think you’ll need to do that again, you know, just to be sure I got it right.”, Harry murmured, as he pressed a thumb over Severus’s bottom lip feeling elated to be able to do that, before a low moan escaped his throat when Severus sucked it into his mouth, his tongue wrapping around it for a second before he gently bit the pad of it. 

“You’ll kill me if you stop.”, he murmured, as Severus pulled him closer once again, kissing down his neck as his fingers played with the buttons of his shirt. He glanced up, a question, and Harry shakily nodded, feeling more nervous than ever before. 

What if he wasn’t enough? Too skinny, or too gangly? Too inexperienced, too young. 

“Stop thinking. Just feel. Feel what you do to me.”, Severus whispered, taking one of Harry’s hands and pulling it down between them, making Harry groan once he felt just how hard Severus was. 

He closed his eyes, taking a big breath while gathering his famous Gryffindor courage, before he took hold of Severus’s shirt and pushed him back until his back hit a wall, pressing him into it as he kissed him. 

He moved away from his lips, leaving a trail of kisses down Severus’s jaw and neck as his fingers quickly made their way down his shirt, unbuttoning it. He moved lower still, kissing Severus’s collarbone, before biting one of his nipples, making the man moan out loud, the sound of it music to Harry’s ears. 

He had done that. 

Harry looked up, his eyes connecting with Severus’s as he slowly slid down to his knees, unbuttoning the older man’s pants, and making Severus’s eyes widen at the motion. 

“You don’t have to do that Harry.”, Severus quickly said, grabbing his hands, making Harry smile at him. 

“I know. But I want to. Merlin, I want to. I’ve been imagining this, you since I was fifteen years old. Please, let me.” 

Severus groaned, his head falling back as his grip on Harry’s hands loosened, enabling Harry to finish undressing him. 

Harry moaned as he looked at him once he was finished, feeling as if all of his fantasies were coming true. Severus was beautiful, absolutely stunning and he couldn't believe that he was his. 

He took Severus’s cock with one hand, the other traveling down into his own pants, since he knew once he had Severus’s cock inside his mouth he was done for. He had spent years fantasizing about it and he knew he wouldn’t last more than a minute. 

And he was right, since as soon as his cock hit the back of Harry’s throat his eyes rolled back into his skull, a shudder thundering through his body, and he was coming, moaning around Severus’s cock as he trembled in ecstasy. 

“Fuck, did you just? Merlin, Harry!”, Severus groaned, grabbing the back of Harry's head as he pumped his hips quickly, almost bending in half as he started coming. 

Harry drank it all, moaning at the taste as he did so before he was pulled away, Severus’s lips upon his once more. 

“You will be the death of me.”, Severus murmured as Harry laughed, letting the man pull him into his bedroom without a word of protest. 

• 

_“I believe with every cell in my body that every cell in yours must not, must never, die, and if it does have to die, let it die inside my body.”_

― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name 

“What are you doing out of bed? It’s almost midnight.”, a smooth, raspy voice whispered into his ear, long hands wrapping around his waist as he was pulled into a strong chest. 

Harry smiled, letting his head fall back to Severus’s shoulder as he watched the night sky. 

It had been exactly six months since that night in Severus’s office when Harry’s world had turned on its axis yet again. But this time Harry was grateful for it since the last half of a year had been the best in Harry’s life. 

“I know. I’m waiting for it. It’s a tradition of mine, to wait for my birthday. I began doing it when I found out when my birthday was, once I started muggle school since the Dursleys never bothered to inform me, let alone celebrate it. So, I made my own celebration.” 

Severus frowned, his eyes growing cold like they tended to do every time Harry mentioned his life before Hogwarts. He had never quite forgiven himself for not being there to help him when Harry was a child, feeling as if he had failed Lily and Harry by not doing anything to prevent Dursley’s abuse. And hating himself even more for how he had treated Harry during his school days, even if it had been necessary at the time. 

Harry had tried to let him know that he didn’t resent him for it, after all, the past was in the past where it belonged, but Severus was struggling with it. 

“They will never hurt you again. I promise.”, Severus whispered, his hold of Harry tightening as he did so, making Harry smile as he turned around to kiss him. 

“Harry?’, Severus murmured once they separated. 

“Yeah?” 

“Happy birthday.” 

Harry smiled, wrapping his arms around his middle, as he sighed happily. 

“We should go back in; you need to be well-rested for your party tomorrow.” 

Harry groaned at the thought of the birthday party Draco and Luna were organizing for him at the Malfoy Manor. He didn’t even want to imagine what that was going to be like, considering the persons involved in preparations. 

He nodded though, making his way back into the house with Severus following behind, to what was no longer just Harry’s room but theirs. 

He walked in only to stop in his tracks in the middle of the room as he saw what seemed like a thousand candles lit up and scattered over every possible surface of the room. 

He turned around his heart almost stopping at the sight of Severus on one knee with a small, velvet box in his hands. 

“You once said to me that your mother had been a lucky woman to be loved by a man like me. But you were wrong. I am the lucky one because, for some inexplicable reason, you have decided that I’m worthy of your love. And I still think that you could do so much better than me, but I am a selfish man, and the thought of you belonging to anyone else but me, is unimaginable and I will do anything to keep you by my side, always. Harry Potter, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?” 

Harry could do nothing but nod shakily, his eyes filled with tears as he kneeled beside Severus, his hand shaking so badly that Severus barely managed to put the ring on his finger. 

“I love you, Severus Snape. I love you so fucking much.”, he said, laughing and crying at the same time before kissing his future husband. 

_Smooth, Harry, real smooth._


End file.
